My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
