Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
