Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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