ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize