Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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