is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
