I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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