you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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