addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i think i just lost a toe
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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