the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize