i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
not ubering you a puppy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
