may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
