Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
