Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
