apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize