Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
