We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
