turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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