legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
