Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
