Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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