It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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