You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't deserve a penis
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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