i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
