I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
