i think i have two assholes
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
