i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
