He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
