i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize