oh god the rape fog is back!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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