Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
