I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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