Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
