please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
