So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
