apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize