Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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