If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
