I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
