i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
