big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
