why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
