In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize