so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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