Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
