Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
