The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
