I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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