i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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