i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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