Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
