I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
