My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
