No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
