I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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