I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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