Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
