Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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