evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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