TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize