I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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