I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
