I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
