We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
