remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
